The Opposite of Love

83

By CJStone

In memory of Brian Haw

Love & hate

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

Hate, in fact, is a form of love, since you cannot hate what you have not previously loved, or which has not hurt or wounded or threatened that which you love. Hate is love bent out of shape. Hate is love which is itself wounded. Hate is love broken or betrayed, tortured or defiled, raped or murdered, molested or mutilated. Hate is love when confronted by injustice, or by violence, or by cruelty or by hate. Hate breeds hate, just as love breeds love. Hate is love grown bitter. It is love roused to anger. It is love forced to witness the destruction of innocence. It is love in shackles. It is love enslaved. It is love deprived of hope or freedom or a say over its future. It is love humiliated, made to crawl, love whose spirit is broken. It is love’s ache at the loss of a loved one. It is love’s rebellion at the corrosion of liberty. It is love’s stand against the darkness of repression.

Hate is love’s wound.

Kurds at a demonstration holding a Kurdish flag
Kurds at a demonstration holding a Kurdish flag

I remember being at a demonstration a few years back. It was a Kurdish demonstration against the Turkish government, then engaged in the wholesale repression of Kurdish culture and Kurdish identity. There were only about 20 people there. It was outside a government department in Whitehall as the British government were helping the Turkish government at the time by means of financial loans. Most of the people were members of the Kurdish Diaspora, people who had fled the border areas in South Eastern Turkey where the fight for Kurdish independence was taking place. There was some drumming going on, and some of them were dancing. They had their arms linked in a line and were doing this elaborate stepped dance involving handkerchiefs being waved in the air. I remember it very clearly: the kicking and the dancing and the trills and whoops of excitement. There were a few cars lined up by the side of the road, onto which the demonstrators had attached some posters with information about their cause.

One of the demonstrators came up to me, and he started showing me pictures. I couldn’t quite make them out at first. They were grainy photocopied blow ups of screen shots taken from the internet. In one there was a family gathered in a half circle in front of what appeared to be a mannequin. In another a soldier was holding up an object about the size of a football.

My demonstrator friend said, “these are photographs taken by Turkish soldiers as trophies. They sell for a lot of money in Istanbul.”

I looked again at the picture of the soldier and what it was in his hand. It was a severed head. He was holding it up by the hair, and grinning. There was blood dripping from the neck and the features had sort of melted. There were several more of these photographs, of soldiers holding up severed heads, sometimes one head, sometimes two. Sometimes several soldiers would be standing in front of the headless corpse while one of the soldiers held up the head. My heart started pounding and I found myself sobbing. I was embarrassed and sickened and had to turn away.

Then my friend showed me the other picture again, of the family sitting behind a mannequin. It wasn’t a mannequin, it was a corpse. He said, “that is the man’s family. They are made to sit beside his body while the photograph is being taken.” There was a woman in a flowered headscarf and a couple of children. Their faces were blank, impassive. The body was scarred with its wounds, the jet black hair stuck to the face by blood. I can still see it to this day: the corpse in the front of the photograph, sort of flattened out and paled by the loss of bodily fluids, and the family behind, with their hollow faces, betraying nothing. They are sitting in front of a fireplace on which are ranged the usual knick-knacks: small ornaments and photographs in their frames. In a way this photograph is a perverse version of the same thing. A little memento to remember the moment.

My demonstrator friend said, “sometimes they come into a village and they will pick out every tenth man and they will shoot him and the whole village is made to clap.”

Opulence

I’ve never forgotten that moment. I remember going into a shop soon after to go to the toilet. There were all the products lined up in their various displays, looking shiny and new. But I couldn’t help seeing the blood that seemed to flow from the photographs underlying this conspicuous display of opulence all around me. I couldn’t help thinking of the murder of innocence.

So, now, imagine those children made to sit before the corpse of their beloved father while an enemy soldier takes a photograph. Their faces betray nothing of their feelings. But what will be seething in their hearts? What rage, what anger, will have been born there that day? What hatred? What acts of revenge? What future violence?

Hate breeds hate breeds hate breeds hate, but hate is born from love.

Now imagine that on a world scale: in Palestine, in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in Pakistan, in Yemen, in Syria, in Somalia, in Libya, in Bahrain. All over the world. Everywhere there is a war.

Thousands of corpses. Tens of thousands. Unimaginable numbers. Who knows how many corpses or how many children there are, just like these children, being tortured by the horrors of war? Who knows the scars on the heart or the heart’s wounds or how much blood has accumulated in the soul of the world? How much sorrow, how much anger, how much violence, how much love seeking revenge?

And you wonder why these photographs are not seen by everyone, all of these mutilated corpses in forgotten corners of the world: why they are not allowed on our TV screens. They should be on the front page of every newspaper: the consequences of war. We should see the bodies torn apart, the blood, the consequence of violence. We should all be made to watch Al Jazeera, which is less squeamish about the sight of death. We should all be made to see the consequence of our own indifference.

Because the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference.

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Comments

Die'Dre' profile image

Die'Dre' 10 months ago

Compelling read; strong article.

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine Level 2 Commenter 10 months ago

So right, opposite of love is indifference!

DonDWest profile image

DonDWest Level 1 Commenter 10 months ago

Interesting take on showing photographs that demonstrate the true meaning of war. . .

I've had to deal with this first hand. I've had a few Hubs deleted due to posting such imagery. I would find the situation laughable if it wasn't so brutally true. Deleting my Hubs because Americans can't handle the violence? Sorry, doesn't register.

The censorship of war photography is a form of propaganda. The powers that be are downplaying the brutality of war.

A picture of a human severed head blown away by a mortar shell will no doubt churn up your stomach. That churning up of your stomach is called empathy and guilt. If we posted such pictures all over CNN and billboards, there would be no wars.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

True Don. That's why I didn't post up any photographs, but merely wrote about them. People should see the consequence of war, as I say in this piece.

DC Gallin 10 months ago

Those pictures are a symptom of underlying issues. I agree that hate is the other side of the coin we call love but showing more pictures of war and torture isn't necessarily going to make a difference. Viewers feel just more helpless and will become more 'indifferent' because indifference is the shield that keeps all those conflicting emotions at bay. Or else these pictures will feed the hate machine. Like in medicine we have to take a holistic approach and not treat the symptom but the underlying cause and what we really need to do is change the position of women in the world. They don't want to see their boys go to war after they've risked their own lives giving birth to them. War and torture is the consequence of disrespect towards mothers and the creation of life, the consequence of the brain laundry we call religion or education.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

The way it works is that the government with the aid of the media set up a narrative by which the war is made to appear "just", as it is in Libya right now. It becomes a kind of story in people's heads and the government can assume tacit support for their "just war". I think if people saw the real consequences of war they would be less likely to give that tacit support. I know that seeing those photographs changed me. I also don't want to get into a "men vs women" debate. Some women are part of the oppressed, some women take the sides of the oppressors and there are mothers on both sides. My main point here is to do with creating empathy for those that hate, because hatred has the same source as love. If you hate the hater you create more hatred. What I'm asking you to do here is to love the hater instead.

KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals Level 6 Commenter 10 months ago

It makes sense that the opposite of love is indifference. If you still care enough to hate you still have feelings towards the person or situation. I think you're right about the pictures.

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr Level 8 Commenter 10 months ago

So one must first have loved the Nazi's in order to hate them later?

I'm not at all sure I agree with that conclusion. I hated a bully I knew in grade school from the first day I met him. I know I never loved him, because he attacked me on that first day.

robie2 profile image

robie2 Level 6 Commenter 10 months ago

Eloquent and passionate as always, CJ. Hate may be love's wound, but it is also fear's wicked step-mother. Whether it is Kurds and Turks, or Gauls and Romans, dividing the world into "us" and " them" always results in hatred born of fear rather than indifference. It seems to be hard-wired in humans. We are tribal animals in the extreme.

Seems we can only make war on people if we demonize them first to make our actions "just" and we all know that the " just war" depends entirely on whose ox is being gored and God is ALWAYS on "our side"

Indifference presumes a lack of passion. I would say that Hate is more like love turned inside out or the anti-love because both hate and fear are as passionate as love, but indifference just doesn't give a damn. Thanks for an interesting and provocative read as always.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

Robie, there's more to this story yet. It is my view that the psychopaths, who are indifferent to anything but their own gratification, use hate as "love turned inside out" to promote their own requirements. So, I would say that Dick Cheney was utterly indifferent to the fate of the Iraqis whose deaths he was responsible for. He didn't hate them. They were used as part of his calculations, knowing full well that an attack upon Iraq would rouse the passions of the Iraqis and create more terrorism, for him to be able to justify the invasion which was a cover for the theft of Iraqi oil.

WillStarr: no that's not what I'm saying. Hate is born from love. The Nazis threaten that which we love, that's why we hate them. Your bully threatened your peace of mind and your dignity. I didn't say we always had to love those we hate first. You should read it again.

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr Level 8 Commenter 10 months ago

Except that's exactly what you said:

"Hate, in fact, is a form of love, since you cannot hate what you have not previously loved..."

Therefore, since I have not previously loved the Nazis, I cannot now hate them, according to your own words.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

Followed by: "or which has not hurt or wounded or threatened that which you love." Read it more carefully please.

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 10 months ago

A great read and thanks for sharing.

Take care

Eidddwen.

fen lander profile image

fen lander Level 2 Commenter 10 months ago

Though you showed no pictures, you painted them with words most eloquently. I saw what you told us about as I read, and I agree that such images would have a powerful effect on the populations that would see them. I have witnessed though, young 'hoodies' in a Whitstable Bedsit watching Al Jazeera news feeds endlessly, waiting for the more honest/graphic depictions of war and death with eager excitement. Such images sometimes serve to excite a form of blood-lust in some folks, and start the de-sensitisation process off. Death is a kick for some watchers. Sick, sad, but true. I'm not saying the images shouldn't be shown though. Thanks Chris, a hub that got to the parts other hubs can't reach. And it's only 7am!

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

You might be right Fen. I can only say that seeing those pictures had a profound effect upon me.

Bard of Ely profile image

Bard of Ely 10 months ago

Voted up, Chris, and shared at Facebook and elsewhere!

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 10 months ago

Hate is not a form of love, rather a transformation of it, as a butterfly is not a form of caterpillar but a wholly different entity arising from it and replacing it. I agree that hate does not materialize out of nothing and that its roots stem from love and belief betrayed.

Love and hate are forms of passion, of feeling, of emotion. Indifference, I agree, is something entirely other. It is a dead space conditioned by opulence in part, but also by a deeply seated delusion that any life different from one's own doesn't matter, or even may not exist. Indifference is lack of empathy.

You were fortunate to see those pictures in the hands of people for whom the images were reality, people who were able to convey to you the truth, in the setting you described at Whitehall, face-to-face, person to person.

Al Jazeera can't do this for the western world. We see their broadcasts in sound and images, as we do video games and crime shows: images and sounds that are very, very removed from our daily lives. And thus, Al Jazeera, effectively, has as much impact as a screen play: it may affect us for a moment, but it means little later as we drone on through our daily lives.

Thanks for this provocative essay.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

Sally's Trove: yes, but you cannot deny the essential relationship between a butterfly and a caterpillar can you? Both are from the same source. Both are from the same root. Both are from the heart. That's my point. When we meet someone who hates with such a passion, we should empathise with them, as when we see the parents of children brutally murdered. Their hate towards the perpetrator is palpable isn't it?

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 10 months ago

On the issue of graphic images and their effect upon the morality and consciousness of the perpetrator nations: I'm reminded of that picture of the little girl burnt by napalm in Vietnam. I think that images such as that definitely helped to end that particular war.

kerlynb profile image

kerlynb Level 7 Commenter 10 months ago

"The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference." Right. In so many cases I've seen that indifference just makes this world a little less wonderful.

flannery profile image

flannery 9 months ago

Two elderly sisters imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp were forced to watch another woman brutally beaten. The elder sister whispered, "Oh, I am so sorry for her." The younger, enraged and helpless, was astonished to understand that her sister was speaking of the Nazi guard, not the victim. The younger sister's rage was natural, but it was the elder, responding with empathy for the real victim, who knew that the guard's indifference to suffering was more wounding to her than to her victim. As Auden said, "Those to whome evil is done / Do evil in return." The only way to stop evil is with love for the one it seems natural to hate. Mr. Stone, I think you are one of those "ironic points of light" spoken of in Auden's poem.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 9 months ago

Thanks for that flannery, and I agree with elder sister. This isn't quite an evolved piece however. I think if I was to rewrite it now I would open it with "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is greed." Might still do that, who knows? Thanks for your encouraging words. I do indeed have a heightened sense of irony.

flannery profile image

flannery 9 months ago

Isn't greed a form of indifference? A person who takes more than he needs doesn't consider the well-being of anyone but himself. Maybe the opposite of hate is generosity, putting the other guy's happiness before your own.

CJStone profile image

CJStone Hub Author 9 months ago

Love is a form of giving, greed a form of taking. That's what I was going to rap on. War is a form of collectivised theft, and those who wage it are indifferent to the plight of those who suffer by it. They do it to increase their personal power. It represents a calculation: knowing that it will elicit hatred which will elicit violence, they can unleash wars and seek the justification in the results, as is happening in Libya now. You attack a people, they are enraged, and commit atrocities, then, after the atrocities have been committed you say, "see, told you so, that's why we had to attack." But if they hadn't attacked there would have been no atrocities. Thus greed is the opposite of love, involving a coldly calculated act. Something like that. I haven't quite thought it out yet.

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